Ostagar
by rebeccajm
Summary: Wynne, Alistair and Elissa return to Ostagar to collect Cailan's armour and the contents of his personal chest, but Alistair is having a difficult time coming to terms with the devastation that they left behind. One-shot, Alistair/Cousland pairing.


Ostagar

From the moment they arrive back at Ostagar, Alistair is tense and jumpy, and Wynne cannot blame him; the carnage unfurling before them makes the place almost unrecognisable. The darkspawn have erected massive barricades with spikes, dripping with blood and flesh, and as they try to make their way through the maze to retrieve Cailan's documents and armour, Wynne cannot think of anything but the last time they were here.

Elissa Cousland leads their party with a solemn face, treading cautiously, her footsteps as light and soundless as she can make them, though the fallen snow helps with this. Or is it ash? It is probably a mixture of both, she thinks, and tries to hide her shudder from her beloved Alistair, who is struggling to deal with being back in the place he lost everything he had.

Wynne has told them she does not approve: it was not a particularly rude statement or one full of malice, but of concern for their wellbeing and future, and the two do not hold it against her. They try their hardest to act normally in front of her but every look is scrutinised, and every touch, however small or innocent, is met with raised eyebrows.

But this place is not a place for such actions, and it is easy for the two of them to put their relationship second to their duties as Grey Wardens.

When they find the first part of Cailan's armour, being used by a darkspawn no less, Wynne can see the anger in Alistair's eyes as he charges forward into the fray without a moment of hesitation. He takes a good few hits, and Wynne has to concentrate almost all of her magic into keeping him safe. Elissa carves a way through to him using two daggers, her movements quick and stealthy, and they don't stop until the last one is dead.

"That was reckless," Elissa says, nothing in her voice indicating that she is mad or annoyed, speaking as though about the weather. Alistair says nothing, but removes Cailan's boots from a particularly ugly darkspawn and stows them away in his backpack. Elissa's Mabari hound Fluffy – Wynne always wondered why that was his name, given that Mabari dogs as a breed were short haired – does not bounce around them and bark, as he usually does, but stands next to Alistair and nudges his hand with his head, whining softly. Alistair pats him for a second and Fluffy moves away, content, and sits by his mistress silently, as if he is a member of her personal guard.

"Alistair, let me patch you up quickly," Wynne says as the ex-Templar stands up, and she holds her hands over the gash on his forehead and his right side, which took such a nasty whack he is hunched over it in pain. The cut heals and Elissa uses some of their water to quickly wash the blood off his face. Wynne hides her face of disapproval from them, but Elissa is pointedly looking the other way even so, focusing on Alistair's face, whose eyes are solely on his boots.

When they are finally ready to move on they do so, encountering two more groups of darkspawn. Alistair is less reckless this time, which both Wynne and Elissa are pleased at, and he takes considerably less damage, though the anger in his eyes hasn't faded one bit.

When they find the hidden key and open Cailan's chest, everyone is surprised at the content of the documents.

"This could have changed everything," Wynne murmurs, more to herself than anyone. Elissa looks at Alistair, to see how he has taken the news, but he just shrugs and folds the documents up and places them in his bag, along with the other items of his brothers that they'd found so far.

"What's done is done," he says, without any emotion, and turns away from them.

Wynne leads the group through the darkspawn barricades towards the bridge but stops short.

"Elissa," she says, but a gasp tells her that Elissa has already seen it too.

"What?" Alistair asks, leading up the rear of the party, and when his eyes fall onto his brother's corpse, strung up like a rag doll, he almost retches. There is no time for him to process what he has seen, because the next onslaught of darkspawn arrives, tougher this time, coupled with undead, and Elissa thinks that she has never seen Alistair so ferocious. His sword seems to be just that bit quicker, his movements a flurry even to Elissa, who excels in the art of speed, and his shield seems to bash his opponents harder, and once or twice Elissa is sure she sees teeth and guts go flying from the hits.

When it is clear they stop, and Alistair cannot look at his brother. Instead he moves on ahead, with one mission in his mind. "We need to clear out the rest of the darkspawn," he says, his voice almost broken, "we can come back...when it's safe to..."

"He's royalty, Alistair," Elissa says. "We'll light a pyre. But you're right, it must be safe first."

She gives his hand a reassuring squeeze through his gauntlet and he almost cracks a smile before they start walking towards the Tower of Ishal. Wynne follows behind them wordlessly, the Mabari hound her silent companion.

In the next pocket of darkspawn there is a particularly large, nasty looking one wielding Maric's sword. Alistair jabs his own sword in its heart and hears its death gurgle, the sword dropping with a clang to the floor, and Alistair picks it up and stares at it.

"This is my father's," he says.

"I'm sure he would be proud for you to wield it," Elissa coaxes, and Alistair looks at her as though he's only just remembered she is there. The look on his face is incredulous, but Elissa takes his own sword and he holds his father's in his right hand, testing the weight, swinging it through the air, checking the balance. Apparently pleased with it he sheathes it at his belt, taking his old sword from Elissa and putting it in their backpack. He motions to the group and they move forward, opening the doors to the Tower with a bit of difficulty.

Although the last time Elissa and Alistair were in the Tower it was not pleasant, the sight before them now was even more gruesome than they could imagine. Wynne has never seen anything like it, not even when the Circle was compromised by Uldred, not even in the Fade; it isn't just the barricades, or the spikes, or the decomposing bodies, or the sickening heat where the door had been closed for so long – it is the smell. It is like death, but so much worse, so much more bitter and strong and nauseating. The stench permeates through the air, assaulting their nostrils, and Elissa promptly turns to the side and throws up the brief lunch they had eaten. Even Fluffy whines and covers his nose with a big paw.

Wynne casts a spell, though Elissa does not what it is, and the air becomes clearer around them and the smell dissipates. Elissa looks over gratefully, and Wynne smiles back at her.

They make their way towards the hole the darkspawn had made, breaking through the bottom of the Tower and taking the soldiers stationed there off-guard on the eve of the battle, and they drop themselves inside.

Even with Wynne's spell the stench lingers but they fight through it, making their way through the underground tunnel. Giant spiders have taken refuge there, and Wynne winces – she can see Elissa freeze up as one of them uncurls its legs, and she remembers that they are the only thing they've come across that Elissa cannot handle. She's never brought it up but everybody knows how petrified she is of them. Elissa sheathes her daggers and draws a bow out from her pack, and stands well behind the group as she litters the spiders with arrows from a distance. Alistair gives Elissa a sidelong glance as he rushes forward, and Wynne thinks that maybe even Alistair does not know why she acts this way.

Once the spiders have been cleared away and Elissa joins the group once more, they carry on walking through the tunnel until they find the opening. Light gushes through, amplified by the snow outside, so bright it is almost blinding. They step out into the clear and find themselves on the battlefield – dead body after dead body, stretching out far past what their eyes can see.

Wynne has flashbacks of the final battle, being down here with her fellow mages, hearing Uldred's voice shout out over battle cries and screams, "Mages, retreat! The King is dead!" and following blindly, injured, thinking that _Cailan cannot be dead, he cannot be..._

She knows Elissa and Alistair had a rough time in the Tower of Ishal, fighting their way through darkspawn to light the beacon, but it cannot compare to what she went through. To what she saw. And then when she got back to the Circle the guilt set in, and she was ashamed of herself for leaving even though they were overrun, even though everyone was going to die anyway. She should've stayed, she should've tried to help them...

But then Uldred went mad and ruined the Circle, and it was like reliving the battle all over again. This time she did not run; she knew she couldn't, even if she tried, so she stayed and tried to help everyone that she could, even if it meant her life. And it did, almost.

But here she is, a survivor, standing on the barren battlefield with Elissa and Alistair.

For a moment there is silence, and then Elissa's arm raises and points to a point a bit further towards the bridge. There is a darkspawn there, short and stunted, but holding a staff which is glowing at the end with dark purple swirls, and it waves the staff in a sudden vicious movement, and bodies near them start to rise.

Instantly the group draw their weapons, hacking through the undead and getting closer and closer to the darkspawn necromancer, and when they think they have dispatched the last undead, an ogre rises. It is large and pale and bloodless, with black eyes and a slack face, and Elissa can see the hilts of two weapons sticking out of its chest. Alistair recognises them as Duncan's, and with a strangled cry he launches himself forward. Elissa and Fluffy follow silently, and Wynne stands back to cover them with her magic.

They make short work of the ogre, Alistair delivering the final blow as he jumps up onto it with superhuman strength and forces it to the floor, his burying his sword in the ogre's brain right up to the hilt. Elissa destroys the necromancer with her twin blades whilst Alistair is retrieving Duncan's weapons from the ogre corpse.

After a few moments of rest, the group make their way back up to the bridge. Watching Alistair look at his brother again is painful for Elissa, even though she knows Cailan and Alistair weren't close and didn't really know each other. He is gentle and careful as he removes the spikes the darkspawn have used to hold him up with, and when the body falls, he catches it.

They take it to a section of the forest that is not littered with bodies and true to Elissa's words they build a pyre, perhaps not as magnificent as it should be but the best they can do in the circumstances. Alistair places his brother's body onto the top of the pyre and stands back, nodding to Wynne, who lights it with a click of her fingers.

After a few moments of silence Wynne sees Alistair's shoulders shaking, though no noise is coming from him. She wants to say something, anything, but she cannot find the right words. Alistair's legs give out and suddenly he's on his knees, openly sobbing now, the sounds ripping through his chest and leaving him breathless.

In a flash Elissa is knelt beside him, her arms around his shoulders, pulling his head to reside in the nook of her neck, muttering soothing words into his ear, "hush my love, it's okay, I'm here. I have you." His arms circle around her waist as he holds onto her like she is the only thing left in the world, and after a second Wynne realizes that she is for him. He lost everything here – his brother, his mentor, his fellow Wardens – and the only thing he has now is her.

Wynne knows of Elissa's past too, of the brutal murder of her entire family back in Highever, and it suddenly hits her that the only thing Elissa has now is him as well.

Wynne is ashamed. She can admit that. She is ashamed at herself for openly chastising two people in love, telling them that they were selfish, that it will not last, without fully realizing that they had both lost everything else in their lives. Why shouldn't they take this moment of happiness? Why should they have to be selfless and do their duty without their love?

Alistair is still crying, muttering incomprehensible words, and Elissa now has tears in her eyes as she watches the man she loves fall apart in her arms. She leans her head down to rest on his, burying her face, whispering, "I know my love, I know," in his ear, and Wynne leaves them to their grief.

The pyre burns down to nothing, the ashes floating away on the wind. The three of them make camp when night falls, and Alistair and Elissa sit by the fire they have made, whilst Wynne lies in her tent. By the way Alistair and Elissa talk to each other Wynne knows they think she is asleep, but she does not interrupt to tell them the truth.

"...not even a scratch. I think that's amazing," Alistair says, almost back to his old self. "I'm surprised that it's still in such good condition, considering what's been wearing it."

"I am too," Elissa says, her voice soft. "It's a beautiful set of armour. When we get back to Redcliffe, you must try it on."

"Try it on?" Alistair asks, his voice dropping slightly. "You think...it would be okay for me to..."

"Why not? It is the King's armour, and you will be King, will you not?"

"I suppose." There is a clunk of metal as Alistair puts down the piece of armour he is holding. "I just...won't it be weird, like I'm trying to take his place?"

"I don't think so. But if you don't want to wear it in battle, we can always have more armour made up for you. In fact, I'm sure Eamon would have a fit if you didn't."

They both share a laugh and Wynne feels the guilt of putting so much pressure on their early relationship. How could she have been so blind as to not see that they were perfect for each other? Anyone could see that. She was glad she could now.

"I'll try it on. See how it fits. No promises, though."

"You don't have to promise me anything, Alistair. As long as you're happy."

"I could be wearing a dress into battle and I'd be happy, so long as you were beside me."

They laugh again.

"I...I would like to give you something." Elissa's tone changes from light-hearted to serious, and Wynne wonders whether she should roll over now and at least try to attempt to sleep.

"Ooh, a gift? I like gifts," Alistair replies with his usual humour, and Wynne smiles to herself.

"It's...well, I hope that you will like it. I found it whilst we were in Ostagar and...well. I thought you might want it."

Elissa produces the item, what it is Wynne cannot guess, but the silence it is met by makes her worry.

"This...this is the Joining Chalice." Alistair's humour is gone now, replaced by something Wynne cannot pin down. Wistfulness? Longing?

"Yes. I thought it might be useful, if we need to eventually recruit more Wardens. And because you've been a Warden longer than I have, it has more sentimental value –" Her rambling is cut off short and Wynne is sure that Alistair has just kissed her. After a few seconds she can hear heavy breathing. "So...you like it?" Elissa asks, hopeful, and Alistair chuckles.

"You." He kisses her. "Are the most thoughtful." He kisses her again, and she giggles. "Beautiful." Once more. "Wonderful woman I have ever had the good fortune to stumble across."

"I'm going to get big-headed from all these compliments one day, you know," Elissa chastises, but she is secretly thrilled at his reaction. When she found it she'd wanted to show it to him right away, but he was not taking the discovery of his brother's armour too well, and so she decided to wait until he was in better spirits. She was glad that she did.

"Even if your head was so big you couldn't fit in Redcliffe castle I think I'd still love you."

There is a silence that seems to stretch for minutes, and Alistair realizes that this is the first time he has told her he loves her.

Elissa smiles, and says softly, "I love you too, Alistair."

The pair cease talking after that. Wynne knows it is finally time to sleep, and she does so with a smile on her face.


End file.
